Whats your name?”“Penis Van Lesbian, Sir.”“Excuse me? What did you say?”“Penis Van Lesbian”“You CAN’T have a name like THAT in show business.” The agent replied.“Penis Van Lesbian is a long respected name where I come from, and I will NOT change it!” As he stormed out the door in a huff.The agent soon forgot the would be actor and went on about his business. 20 years later, he recieved an envelope in the mail, containing $10,000 and a note...The note said,“Dear Sir,A long time ago you gave me some advice, and to my shame I walked out on you. I soon learned that you were right, and I changed my name and actually became fairly successful.I regret not taking your advice when offered. Since it worked well enough, I have enclosed what I believe would have been your commission.Sincerely,Wait for it...Dick Van DykeThree Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, “However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven.”The first guy comes up. But a woman has to have her secrets."We finally got to the Pioneer Hospital in Prineville. I wound up staying for two days then I had to stay home for three weeks before I could go back to work. The first week I was to stay off my feet as much as possible. After that I could use a wheel chair.Mary Kate could see me fretting as she drove me home. "Now what's troubling you?" Well, shoot, Mary Kate, I guess I'll have to get a nurse to come out and help me."Why can't I take care of you?"Blushing, I replied, "Oh hell, you heard what the doctor said. I'm not supposed to get out of bed for the first week. That means... " That means you'll have to have your bedpan emptied and someone to clean you up, fix meals and feed you. Sam, emptying bedpans is another of the things I know how to do that you didn't know about. I took care of my dad for the last few months before he died. Hell, you don't have anything he didn't have."Looking over with another of her perfectly done smirks, she mumbled.
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