He works a lot and you’re so much older I don’t think he’d be jealous.”Concerned about that last word, I inquired and she said, “He really isn’t the jealous type because I was dating other guys when we met and he didn’t seem to be real upset about that as he tried to win me. As you can see, he was the best.”There were lots of interesting things to do during the day and so she was my companion several times a week as we explored the community. She was delightful company and that alone enriched my life. We got familiar enough that she would give me a little hug and then a little kiss as I brought her home.One day, after an event, she invited me for dinner, something she had been doing more and more often because her husband was working late. Afterwards she poured me a glass of whiskey instead of the wine that we usually had with our meal. Taking me to their couch she sat next to me, instead of across as usual.“I have a question for you tonight. I’ve noticed that you never mention any. ‘What up, girl?’ Jesus, I’m in hell. Can’t she tell that I need help? I imagine myself foolishly splayed across the bed, the ridiculousness of it meriting her attention. ‘Leslie,’ I try to interrupt, ‘Find my cell phone. In it is the number for Ball State Information. Call that number and ask for the number of Ball Memorial.’ I hear a low chuckle which is the predecessor of a larger and inappropriate amount of laughter. She’s not even fucking listening! I’ll never get out of this blue and white prison. The rest of my life will be spent in this depressingly dingy color scheme. I begin to hate the color blue-grey. It’s the color that forges iron prison bars. Blue and white fear surges through my muscles, sparking along my nerves like electricity across steely, taut cable wires, and rending them into a million slivers under the tensile force. Desperate and terrified, I begin flailing about on my bed. Every muscle in my body contracts, contorts, spasms, flexes, tenses, and finally at.
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