What made me go on." He smiles at me, really smiles. I had never seen that before."You ... have changed, more than looks." I say softly but, am still suspicious, I can't help it. My life was turned into a living hell because I dared to care about this man."I am what I should have been had I taken a different path. It is allowed." Vashe sounds so sad and yet ... I wander what he is really trying to do."And what of me?" I had to ask."You are as you have always been, the balance. You walk a tight wire. Or I should say weave a tight wire." He informs me."Thanks." I can't help being sarcastic at his answer, it was the same one he always gives me."You were having a lovely dream about 2 men, whom I do not know" He strokes his chin in interest. "I did not think you were that free." Chaos rules. The numbers change." I shrug trying to be unconcerned. He was watching me with Nimrod and Saul. How embarrassing."Do not greet the peace as an absolute." He says, then gives me a short bow. "I will be. I mean it was as if his entire reproductive future was at stake and I just shut him the fuck down. Like every baby he ever imagined fathering I had just stabbed in the face or something. Anyway I felt bad like right then, at that moment, and I told him to take 5 so he could go hug himself and cry in the bathroom or whatever, and I figured while he was doing that Id come up with some pretense for us to call it a day, but then I walked by the nap rooms on the way to get some coffee, and I heard him. He was ACTUALLY crying. Like ACTUAL tears. Sobs even. I peeked in (couldnt resist), and he saw me! and he turned like beet red and ran out and into the stairwell and went home. He WENT HOME! Ive never made a boy cry before. I mean I dont think Ive ever made anyone cry before. And I guess I know I should feel bad, but between you and me? It felt amazing. And not just amazing, it felt… sexual. Like viscerally sexual. I felt like… I dunno, a grown-up I guess? A real person for once. A person.
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