This was wrong. So wrong. A force of will wrenched reality back to normal,back to the way it should be. Stooped over like an idiot, I nearly stumbledto the floor. What was the matter with me?"Stop this," I said, forcing my arm up. The gun was in my hand, but my armwas so unsteady I could barely keep it pointed at him.Everything felt wrong. Like I was stuffed into a suit three sizes toolarge. My breasts. I could feel them, or rather I could feel their sadabsence. The flatness where they were supposed to swell was unnatural.Could this big, oafish thing I wore possibly be me? How could that pleaseHim?Wrong thoughts, dangerous. I checked to make sure that I was still a guy,and was somehow disappointed to still have a dick. Had to end this. Justpull the trigger and be done."I'll do it," I said, hesitating."Of course you shall. You will accept that you belong to me." Jamais!" I said, not truly believing it.The temptation was there, for all that I wished to deny it. So little wouldbe. The doctors said it would slowly get better, and it has, but I’ll always feel it, especially when it’s cold. ‘
‘It’s warm now,’ I said, and began gently to draw a circle around the area of injury.
He flinched.
‘Oh! Did I hurt you?’ I asked.
‘No,’ he said. ‘But I can’t think you really want to touch such an ugly leg.’
‘You don’t think so?’ I said.
Then I rearranged myself on the grassy bank so I could run my lips very lightly along the edges of injured area and kiss it.
‘Does that hurt?’ I asked, looking up at him.
‘Of course not,’ he said, and his deep brown eyes became moist.
‘Don’t ever say it’s ugly. It’s part of you and you’re beautiful.’
‘I wish I could believe that,’ he said.
‘Caleb. You can. I want so much to marry you and be with you as long as we both shall live. But we have to do the last thing.’
‘I know,’ he said.
I raised myself up until I was again beside him and let my right hand trace down his gathered shirt to his belly. I ran my fingers over.
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