. whatever it is, and thatmoment always comes. To say that fear, shame and guilt are not runningrampant at that moment is a lie; they are there, and they need to bedealt with. Some girls are lucky in that they manage to hide theircompulsion for years from all but a select few. This is the story ofKristen, one of those very lucky few.My mother knew, I think she had always known. From the time I was oldenough to do it myself, I had been dressing up as a girl; sometimes Ilooked good, but more times than not, I looked like a boy in a dress, butevery time I put on that skirt or dress I felt that familiar wave ofeuphoria wash over me. That sense of calm, elation, fear, guilt andshame, all combining, making me wish that I was a girl, a real girl.Wishing on a star never made it happen, yet I never once relinquished mydesires. By the time I was 15 I was well aware of the stigma boys like meface, yet, unable to restrain myself, I had amassed a small but tastefulwardrobe; several bras, some. When I went near them following Hari, who had my clothes, threw them towards the front rows. The t-shirt fell near the stairs and the jeans in the second row. They all laughed.I was shocked and surprised by this act. Hari then told me, “Go get your clothes before the food guy comes. Or else he will take them outside and you will have no clothes.” He waved a flying kiss towards me and they all laughed. Sandhu was enjoying the show too standing near the entrance.He yelled, “Hurry and come and collect the clothes. They don’t take a lot of time for cold drinks,” and laughed. I was getting embarrassed there standing fully nude by covering my boobs. But I had no other choice. I ran towards the clothes as my boobs and ass jiggled.I was so embarrassed at that moment. Suddenly Sandhu yelled, “He is coming,” and my heart skipped a beat. I just got my t-shirt on and I wore it in a hurry. Before the guy entered I sat on the corner seat of the fourth row. The lights went off to my luck but he.
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