” Helen added. “If we could get onto that roof, I might be able to command them from there. If one of them doesn’t hear me, though, we’ll be exposed. If we could get them to use up their ammo, we could move in while they’re changing magazines.”“There are too many variables in that plan.” Ramirez insisted. “Assuming all of them expend their magazines at once, you’d have three seconds to act; less if one of them is well-practiced enough. Even then, they might be deafened from the gunfire and not hear you.”“They ain’t practiced.” Mander interjected. “We learned that back at the caverns. Granted, we had the drop on them, but it was pistols against submachineguns; they still should’ve gotten at least one of us before we got them. But how many of them could’ve trained on the MP-40 before now? How many could’ve even gotten hold of a real one before this? Where would they practice? Anywhere they could’ve gone in this country, someone would notice a bunch of guys firing automatic. A prisoner, I was supposed to be afraid of the “general” who would kill me if I didn’t do something. Instead I found myself enjoying it even though it was short. I wasn’t given a closed room it was in a small shadow of a cloth wall on the outside.At the time, I had been reading the Diary of Anne Frank for school. Between that and watching reruns of Hogan's Heroes, somehow my brain set me as a prisoner in a Nazi camp. I returned to these pages so many times that my simple red journal falls open to the page when I open it. I continued the dream with the guard in the fantasy falling in love with me, sneaking me out, and raising a family with me. Then abruptly my journal entry switches to addressing God. I beg his forgiveness for my sinful thoughts.Lord, why do you torture me—I ask in the lord’s prayer ‘and deliver us not into temptation, deliver us from evil’ it says plainly. Why do I enjoy these dreams?In my little red journal I wrote a lot about sex, a lot about God, and very little.
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