I thought of that conversation the rest of the week. I wondered if deep down I did feel unworthy. Maybe she was right to ask that question. Maybe it was a question I needed to consider.Looking back I tried to remember a time when I knew a relationship with a man that was unfettered. My father had been demanding. He was never pleased with me or proud of anything I accomplished. He spent most of my early childhood ignoring me when he could or beating on me when he couldn't and most of my teen years chastising me. My grandfather had no use for granddaughters and chose, instead, to give his attention to my male cousins.Before Billy and I became more than friends I had dated a couple of different guys. They only wanted to hike my skirt up. It was always something that the men in my life wanted, whether it was sex or for me to be something I'm not. They never just wanted me for me. Maybe the problem was that I believed myself to be unworthy of a man that could give of himself, if there was. I painted my toe nails bright pink and did the same to my finger nails. I slipped on a clean pair of white panties, my new white bra and a white garter belt. I slipped a pair of very sheer white stockings and attached them to the garter. I pulled out my new purchase and removed all the tags. I slipped the dress over my head and somehow managed to zip up the back. It was a beautiful fit on me. The top was an asymmetrical design so there was a ¼ sleeve on my right arm but no sleeve on my left. It was slinky over my flat chest, but very tight around my waist and remained very tight to the hemline which stopped about three inches above my knee. I went to the bathroom sink and applied my make up and put on my new long curly black wig. Finally I put on my silver jewelry including a new bracelet that had about thirty skinny bands. It went from my left wrist almost all the way to my elbow. I put on bright pink lipstick and slipped and strapped on my new sandals. Spinning in front of the.
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