How many times had I sat in a train returning to camp before my leave was up, cursing Miriam, and vowing never to return? More times than I care to remember, and yet I always ended up back with her. I could say that this time I would never return, but never say never, and I was in little doubt that eventually she and I would once again resume this peculiar, puzzling, perpetually peripatetic, partnership.Meantime, I was going to make up for lost opportunities in the shagging stakes. I had a six month backlog of abstinence to attend to, and, as the train rattled and rolled over the junctions outside York I thought of the many happy hours I had spent buried up to my balls in Dilys the Dogger. Unfortunately she had been posted away from Catterick during the Erbs' deployment to Bosnia, but I was sure I would soon find a replacement, either on camp or in Richmond.The first item on the agenda of the newly formed company – Dipping Dewey's Dick Unlimited – would be to cunt hunt a top class. This was one job I was certain I could get. Changing into my smartest outfit, I jumped in the car and headed into town for the address given in the paper. I was surprised that the place was located in such a tacky part of the city, but went inside anyway with my optimism still brimming.There was no receptionist, or any other of the usual professional trappings. The guy I was supposed to talk to was the only one around, and he was parked in the middle of a dingy office that looked like it hadn't been cleaned in months.When I told him I'd come about the ad, he told me to sit down. Then, while I waited, he handled about six calls in a row as the phone practically rang off the hook At least, I hopefully concluded, despite the modest surroundings, he seemed to be running a going concern."Shit," he finally spat after the half-dozenth call, "I'll have to take the goddamn phone off the hook if I'm ever gonna talk to you. Fucking customers'll drive you nuts in this, business-wanting this,.
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