It was near the naturereserve and the first thing I noticed was that none ofthe area was fenced off. Everything was just as itusually was, except that the trees and the grass lookedlusher as the weather had improved. Working out whichgate Isabel would come through, I positioned myself ina corner of the park where several big trees overhung apark bench. If I sat there I would be hidden from view.There was hardly anyone in the park � a few kidsplaying football, some women with their baby-buggies,men and women passing by on bicycles, a what lookedlike a shabby old vagrant with a long overcoat andwooden crutches sitting on a bench a few hundred yardsaway. Suddenly the vagrant got up. He reached for hiscrutches and slid them under his armpits, then began tomove towards me. I noticed then that he was very tall,well over six feet, that he had only one leg, the rightone, and that he was not only filthy dirty but black.Black! I watched him with my heart in my mouth. He wentpast me without. There is a big difference in my book betweenhumiliation and embarrassment. Your mother humiliated you she she madeyou dress as a girl or a baby and then showed you off to others so theycould tease and ridicule you. That is humiliation to me. Doing somethingto you in front of others to hurt you. I hope you didn't think I wastrying to do that to you. Yes, I wanted you to be embarrassed but only infront of me, the girls and Fiona and none of us teased you or were nastyto you I hope. The feeling of my power over you was exciting and so, sortof well, stimulating and satisfying . That was cruel, nasty and somethingI am not proud of. Using my position as being the one in charge in the wayI did, just to give me an ego trip to show me and others I can cope withthat power was a lie and untrue. I was the one that didn't get promotion,I thought it was because of me being a girl but maybe he was the betterperson for the job because maybe I couldn't do it.Katie remained curled up, still sucking.
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