The words wouldn’t come. Nor could she decipher the look in her son’s eyes. The silence was interminable. What she thought was a look of surprise when she woke up and saw Lee standing there, seemed now to be a look of expectation. Suddenly his demeanor changed, and his face turned color, rising like the red line of a thermometer.“I,” he began then stopped and started again. “I left the door open that day, Mom.”Shocked she knew immediately what he was talking about—the day she’d spied on him masturbating. Thankfully though it was the opening for which she’d been praying. It allowed her to catch her breath and get off the defensive. “It was more my fault than your Baby. I shouldn’t have been watching.”“But I wanted you to see me, Mom. I wanted you to see it all. Was I a perv to do that?”The voice of the protective mother answered, “You weren’t a pervert baby. You were just driven by fantasy. Everyone goes through that at one time or another. And don’t forget Lee, it was I who watched. Sam had driven back to Boston and had a drink, and then turned on the TV trying to grapple with the pain of his male ego collapse. Today at the Hyatt bar 10 years later, he remembered that night vividly even after all the time. Back then, 20 minutes after he arrived at their Boston apartment, Susan was pounding on their apartment door. Sam went to the door and said, ‘Go away, Susan, you are not welcome here.’ She had said, ‘Sam please, what you saw meant nothing. You are all that is important to me…’ and on and on. To make a long story short, Sam forgave her after her tearful counseling and both got back to work and forgot her perfidy as she was immediately transferred to the Boston Branch and became close. She shortly became branch manager. Tonight, at the Hyatt bar, Sam smiled as he had forgotten what it was like to feel no pain when a woman one cares nothing for chooses to fuck around. His rationale was that, ‘there is a thin line between doing it and wanting to do it.’ He still.
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