We talked things out, set a date which was yesterday.So we met at his place. The first thing he told me was that our safeword is "safe word", and asked if I agree upon that. I said yes. Then he grabbed my ass suddenly and pushed me towards the wall, I tried to move but I couldn't, he was too strong and he was all hands all over my body. I used a moment of weakness to turn around and I pouched him to the wall and tried to do that with him, and held him for a good amount of time before he got free. Now face to face, I'm trying to grab his body and he's trying to grab mine. At one point he hold my hand as I was trying to push him and with all my power he had me under control. He once again pushed me towards the wall this time with my hands behind me in his control. Then with his feet he openened my feet and I had to go down. I was doing my last struggles as he just released my hands, took my shoulder and put me on the ground. I had lost.He told me that I lost but I was a good challenge. . . fuh . . . fuh . . . f-flashback, I think.’ I let go of the cold, hard porcelain, rolled to my knee and then stood up shaking. ‘I guess that’s what it was. I’ve heard the old ‘Nam vets tell about them and I thought they were exaggerating. They weren’t, God help me!’ I flushed that great dinner, probably lunch, breakfast and part of my soul down the sewer, washed my face and, clinging to my wife, climbed into bed. I think I must have curled up into a fetal position and I know I started to cry. Oli held me until I finally fell asleep. Everything went south from there. All the color seemed to drain out of the world and I was tired and crabby all the time. It got harder and harder to focus at work so I started dragging myself in early and staying late to make up for what I couldn’t get done in a normal eight hours. I couldn’t let my team down the way I had on the Baghdad road when I didn’t see that IED. I couldn’t let anyone down, ever again. Eventually I found myself leaving before.
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