He tried to pull away, but she held strong.“Welcome to our home, Sir,” she said. She stood close enough to ensure that he couldn’t look anywhere except at her; he tried hard not to, but Jess wouldn’t release her grip nor let him get away until he checked her out. He said nothing to her, stunned into silence.“I understand, Sir, that this is probably new to you,” Jess said patiently. I thought that “new to you” was probably a bit of an understatement. Jess continued.“But let me assure you of several things. First and foremost, we are here willingly. Everything is consensual. We serve Mistress Emma because we choose to; we enjoy it. I understand that for some people that may be a bit of a buzz-kill, but it is important to know that we are all here by choice. That includes you, as well. Should things become too uncomfortable for you at any time, you are free to say so and free to leave. But I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I hope you won’t.”Emma and I both nodded our. This conflict was wearing on me. I had been having it for more than a year already, and seemed no closer to resolving it then I ever had been.I knew this was a self contained conflict. I was battling with myself, and, with some of my recent decisions, like allowing her to come back to the farm, I was stacking the deck against myself. Realizing this, I felt ashamed of myself, because of the glaring lack of maturity and self control this decision had exposed in me. I knew I had too many people depending on me to be able to indulge myself like I had been doing.This thing with Anita was over. I had to just accept that it was, and then move on. Anything less than that would put in jeopardy everything I'd been hoping to accomplish. She and I would never be happy together. Our personalities just couldn't mesh in a healthy way, and this was something all good relationships needed to have.Rob had tried to warn me that I was the problem as far as letting go of Anita went. He said I had to find.
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