You can't unlearn whatyou've learned and I can't change my past. You will always see me as a'transsexual woman' or a 'man in a dress' or, I don't know, whatever itis exactly you're thinking - it doesn't really matter. Maybe you couldlive with that, but I know I couldn't. It's not what I want for my life,not what I worked so hard for." So what are you going to do?"She shrugged. "I don't know.+++I cursed the slowness of the coffee maker as I sat at the kitchen table.I doubt I'd gotten more than an hour's sleep at best, and I reallyneeded a caffeine fix. It really sucks to start the morning feeling likeyou've got a hangover when you didn't even have the pleasure of gettingsplotzed the night before.My mind had run over the same mental paths so often that ruts werestarting to wear into my grey matter, and yet I still couldn't resolvethings in my own head. No matter what she said I still felt that Serinahad been wrong not to tell me. She had been dishonest, if not outrightlying, both to me. ’ ‘Cool!’ His smile was broad and generous. Her heart leapt. Oh please. Please…! The week passed slowly. She kept her phone by her at all times. Evenings were an agony, trying and failing to not check the phone every few minutes. Was he going to call or text? Would he phone? Was he thinking of her? She could not know. She had some time to consider the whole thing. She’d checked out his workplace, called in, confirmed that he did have a position there. She mulled the whole thing in her mind, considering the angles. She decided she liked him. Really liked him. It wasn’t love, not yet, but there was a calmness she felt when with him, that had begun almost immediately. A completeness, a sense of belonging that was overwhelming in its intensity. She liked the way he talked and walked, the quiet courtesy he showed, the gentlemanly way he conducted himself. There was a sense of strength in him that attracted her immensely. She did know that the woman in her – more precisely the physical,.
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