"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Phil."The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."Dear Family & Friends,I am sorry that I have not been consistently responsive lately to your emails. I have been somewhat under the weather since my doctors informed me that I have an acute case of Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue (PIST-AWF). For those of you who do not know what that is, PIST-AWF is a newly defined disease that is found to be widespread and highly contagious.Symptoms include, but may not be limited to: Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing the President pander to Muslim. The game pretty much stopped there because we all wanted to go home and find out what this masturbation thing was. I hopped on the computer and typed in masturbate in the search field. I whole bunch of sex sites came up with nudie pictures and my penis got a little hard. But I really wanted to know what it meant to masturbate. So I typed in "how to masturbate" a site came up with male or female so I clicked male. There were instructions, and said if you want to masturbate do as follows. It said to look at the pictures. The pictures involved a girl stripping out of all her clothes then rubbing her crotch. And my penis again got hard. As I scrolled down it said if your penis is hard click here. So I clicked and there were pictures of a boy in jeans with a tent in them. It said to unzip your pants and take your penis out. So I did as follows. The boy in the picture also took his penis out his was larger though. It said to wrap your hand around your cock like the boy in the picture. So I.
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