A few people walked by, but they weren't right. She ignored women, either alone or in groups. Likewise, old men were spared. Young men in groups were most common, some even came on to her as she stood there glaring at them walking past her.Finally, a lone young man came walking down the sidewalk. Looking unthreatening as they come, he was wearing a Star Trek tee-shirt under a light blue jacket, with a pair of khaki Dockers, and white sneakers. He smiled at her as he walked past, unusual for New York at any time, but especially late at night on a deserted street. She was prepared with a number of retorts for whatever come-on he might say to her, but he just nodded at her as he walked past and continued down the street. She almost let him go, too, but he was perfect. He was also the first young lone guy to walk past in the hours that she had been waiting. She fondled her gun and followed him. She caught up with him after a few steps and jabbed the gun in his back. "Stop right there,. Relax, I try to tell myself, just relax and sleep willfollow. Twenty minutes later and not only am I drained, I'mfrustrated as well. My mind is racing and it won't let go of the thoughtsenough to let me sleep. It doesn't help that those thoughts center aroundhim and the complexities of our relationship, the bad as well as the good. Every little thing I've ever done "wrong" (at least in mymind); every little word of praise and affection and yes, love, from him. I sit up, dangling my legs over the side of the bed, andrealise I'm still playing with the damned belt. Still turning it aroundand around, doubling it this way then that, listening to a voice - hisvoice - remind me with a smile to not use the buckle end. I smile tomyself, still feeling a bit silly about that after all this time, but I promiseit made sense at the time . . . that, and it felt good. Even now I can remember sitting on the edge of a differentbed, in a different town years ago with this same belt, arguing.
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