I had to call. Glancing up, I saw a bank of payphones on the wall of the gas station and I drove up to the curb and turned the engine off. My heart was pounding and my legs felt wobbly when i got out of the car. I hadnt realized how hot it was and the sun beat down hard on the top of my head. It also made me realize that I was thirsty too. I decided to go in and get something to drink before calling. I settled on a bottle of water and chugged half of it down before I went outside again to place the phone call. Juggling my purse and the bottle of water I found some change and your phone number. A group of painters drove up and got out laughing and talking. Their accents startled me. They sounded just like you. It made me long for you and as I waited for the other end to connect I could feel the stirrings in my loins. A women with a deep oriental accent answered. I asked to speak to you. There was silence at the other end. Finally she told me you no longer worked there. I quietly said. ” “I don’t understand,” I began, my mouth drying up with alarm. “I thought you loved me, that you enjoyed being with me.” “I do but this isn’t the way to carry on, Richard. It’s not real, snatching hours here and there, fucking almost every time we get together. It’s all wrong. We can’t live in the past or try to recreate it. Don’t you see, it’s all a fantasy we’re trying to live.” I shook my head. “No, it’s not a fantasy, not at all. We love each other, don’t we? That’s not pretense, it’s real. Okay, it’s not ideal but surely these hours we spend together are better than nothing. Better than the thirty years we spent in the wilderness, surely?” It was Gaynor’s turn to shake her head. “No Richard. As much as I love being with you, it’s tearing me apart. I can’t keep pretending. A part-time love affair isn’t what I want.” “But…” Gaynor cut me short, wrapping a hand over my mouth. “No! Be honest with yourself Richard, it’s not normal.” She withdrew her hand. “I can’t go out with you,.
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