. it's hard on me. I know that's a selfish thing to say since you're the one that's dying, but..." John, I know your heart. I know your mind. You're worrying me so much. I want you to be happy after I'm gone. You need to start over and that is never easy, but I want you to. Please? For... me?" Oh god... Becky... I love you so much... I can't lose you. I don't want you to go."He hugged me tightly to his warm strong body. I hugged him tightly to me too. We had always had each other now we were faced with this... separation. Permanent separation. I was afraid of course, of dying. Nobody alive knows absolutely what's on the other side. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live... but I also knew that the facts were I was dying and nothing would change that for me.In spite of everything I could feel that familiar tingle deep inside. I was getting turned on. I had always been someone that could fire up with just a touch, and John's holding me like he was lit off that fire rather easily."So.... (I went with her to the Y and we swam together a few times.) I would take you up on it, if there was an offer made that way." She kissed me on the cheek and said "Lets fix my car." The battery was 4 years old and did not respond to being charged. I said "Lets go get a new one and I will put it in."We got a new battery and the car started up right away. She said "come inside. She got out some money to give me but I declined it. I said " I need to talk to someone about a problem I have and its something I can't discuss with my parents. Its about sex. Can I discuss my problem with you, if you are good with this? There's is really nobody else I can go to."She takes my hand and leads me to her couch and she sat on a chair facing me at arms length. She said "go ahead." You know I am good at almost anything I try: school, technical stuff, swimming. That said, one of the "brainy" girls who is just average looking got a bit frisky with me and said something about us getting it on. I guess us.
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