He could feel that her guard wasn’t up when she was around him, the way any young woman’s would be around a young man. When Jason turned his exam in and left the classroom, his mind was focused. He knew he couldn’t make any mistakes, he couldn’t act like a horny High School boy. He was going to be alone with the woman he’d fallen in love with for the first time. If she had any feelings at all for him, he wanted her to be comfortable enough to reveal them. If he blew it with her now, he might not get another chance. He was going off to college, and a lot of things could happen in four years. Jason was lying in bed thinking about tomorrow. He didn’t want to be nervous, so he tried to think about the sexy outfit Mary wore to school today. She’d worn a cute little white blouse that showed just a hint of her cleavage, a tight black skirt that perfectly showed off her shapely butt, and sexy open toe high heels that made the perfect pedicure of her pink toenails look so hot. Jason had a. The sights were familiar, somehow, but he couldn't sort them through. He could only sift through the debris of his consciousness and look for clues, like the first time he'd ever been to a strip bar after graduating from basic training, and the way the dancers moved to the music that inflamed him more deeply than he'd ever expected. His first bicycle. The girl across the street, so proud of her lost front teeth. The color pink. The way the wind felt when you hit seventy in a convertible. The taste of chocolate frosting on a vanilla cake. The smell of baking bread and Chanel No. 5. The way silk feels against your cheek.I will not break, the lieutenant told himself. I will be strong.The helplessness wasn't so tough anymore, now that the lieutenant realized that the true measure of his strength and toughness was in how he weathered this storm, his all-too-human ability to endure. He began to see the pain, the images, the treatment - all of these as fires in which he was going to be.
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