I twitched nervously with Swarta close at my side. My link with Derwen felt free of anger or anxiety so I did my best to shake the tension out of me. I soothed Swarta with comforting encouragement, talking to myself at the same time, talking myself down from doing something abrupt or unfriendly towards the delegation. Derwen was clearly engaged in an animated conversation with a pair of elderly noble women, whilst the port guards who escorted us from the city gate noticeably kept a distance from Hajin's men. I suspected Lord Atum had given instructions to his troops to make no threatening moves or provocation."Swarta, I think it is time for me to join this bit of excitement." I unloaded my pup and left it in the coach.I approached Derwen and Mercedes in a casual walk my full rucksack and fanny pack gear in the usual place, under the mail armor that dropped to my knees. My black station clothes had a few stitched up places that represented badges of honor from my wounds. Not that I. I seen how she's been looking at me. But she don't say nothing and I guess it's coz she's so shy. Maybe I can find a way? It would sure help if I had that kind of company.Journal - Oct. 1 - It's Friday night and I just had a drink (actually, four) with Bonny. So now I'm over my embarrassment and I'll write what I couldn't write last night. I'm getting to be an old maid! I'm almost twenty-seven and I've never ... well, I'm not going to write that. I'm not that drunk. But I'm an expert at masturbation. I wonder if the real thing is better? (Is a coke bottle 'the real thing'? I ought to try.) But, ever since Uncle Bill touched me, ten years ago, and got me all excited, I've been scared of guys. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't had an attack of conscience and stopped when he did? Or even if I'd agreed to let Janey be my room mate at college. Now, when I think back, even if it's degenerate, it was sure satisfying. But if we'd been room mates and doing that on a regular basis,.
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