I was afraid to speak. ‘It looks like it, yeah.’ She glanced down at me beneath dark lashes. ‘He’s pulled that on me too,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t mean anything, Russell. It’s how he works.’ I didn’t say anything. She turned to me and asked, ‘Are you guys getting along okay? Lexi’s living with you now, isn’t she?’ I knew April from the creative writing class I taught and from a few parties I’d gone to that she’d been at. As I said, she’d always been friendly toward me and she was a very attractive girl in a Seventeen magazine-ish kind of way, an ingénue trying to look bad, a way that wasn’t really my type but that most men find very attractive. I don’t know where she got the notion that she could ask me such a thing. I just stared at her. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, looking down and biting her pencil. ‘God! I’m really sorry! What’s wrong with me? I have no business asking you anything like that. Forgive me, Russell, I just wasn’t thinking!’ ‘It’s all right.’ ‘I just feel so at ease with. She didn't have to trick me like that. If she had just asked me nice that first time, I might have done it for her. I've done it for other girls when they asked me to. It isn't the same as going all the way, but most girls like it better because they can't get pregnant from it." Did that girl that died, the one that you loved, did you do that with her?" All the time. She loved it. I told you that she was afraid of getting pregnant? I would do that to her for awhile, and she would have these tremendous climaxes, really strong ones. She said that it was better than anything she could do for herself, but after she had a few of those, she said that she needed me inside her. I always used a rubber though, because she didn't want to get pregnant." What I don't understand, Jimmy, is why you won't even let me play with your thing, when you already admit that you've done lots of things with other girls? What's wrong with me?" There's nothing wrong with you. It's just that I'm trying to be.
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