She puts everything back in its place and never once have I known her to forget to take out the trash. She is stronger than I am. I am insecure, which is what my brother and my entire family seem to forget. I appear deft and funny. I am a perfect specimen of a freak, complete with the deep, dark self-loathing that goes along with being a social outcast. They do not see me late at night, as my husband does, alone sucking my thumb watching television, twirling shreds of satin in between my fingers. They cannot know the horrible truth about me, that I am wounded from years of taking care of my chronically ill mother while they were away at college or living with older men. They will never see me with my rag [the 6th or 7th one by now, I always forget] twisted up into a point or into the corners of my eyes while I disappear from the world. They couldn’t ever understand why when I think about something, my need to hold my pieces of gnarled satin matches that of a crack addict. They don’t. I have invited Peg and you may certainly invite Mike if you like. I want to present the plan in a PowerPoint in about ten minutes, then let you all tell us why it won't work." I can do that. God, I haven't cooked for a group in forever. Hope I can remember how."Carol said, "We will help you, of course. You only have to do the planning and serious work. We can do the shopping and other details." She then giggled, "Of course, if you invite Mike, it will be his first experience." I cooked enough meals in France that I think he knows I know which end of the frying pan to use. I just hope he doesn't hold my friends and family against me."Carol was fidgeting. "Derrick, I need to talk to you in our room."Obviously, Mom's conversation and their tryst made her needy for something other than licking and touching. She closed the door and dropped her robe. I never tired of looking at her naked body. She looked at me intensely, "You know what I want. Get undressed and get over here."She was.
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