When she came in, she shut the door and stood before me, this time wearing panties and a sports bra."You kept your boxers on," she said. "I thought you would want to be more comfortable."I didn't say anything. She started to strip before me, and when she was naked, I had only a second to take in her nudity before she turned the lights off. She crawled into bed, and I shed my boxers before joining her. I thought we were going to assume the same position, but she was facing me this time. She was purposely laying close, so that our faces were practically touching. Our bodies were also dangerously close. Her nipples brushed against my chest."Are you mad?" I finally asked.She frowned. "Why would I be mad?" You know, about this morning."She paused. "Let's not talk about it right now. Let's just lay here quietly, and not say anything."I thought she meant we were to lay still, but in a few seconds I felt her fingers wrap around my dick. I jumped, not expecting her warm grip. She tugged. These powerful feelings of fear and guilt became attached to Ariel's sexual urges. Any time he felt attracted to or wanted to have sex with a female, the guilt and fear would be right there screwing him up emotionally and sabotaging his chances for sexual fulfillment. Ariel was also screwed up by the fact that he saw all women as his mother and looked for his mother in all women. Because as a child, he had to be his mother's lover, he could never really be her son and there was a huge void in him from the lack of adequate, nurturing mothering that he sought to fill with sex, and a deep well of sadness from the loss of his parents' love and his childhood that he looked to sex to heal. Of course, sex could not do these things and Ariel was miserable. When he had a lover, he was afraid and insecure, and when he didn't have a lover, he felt abandoned and worthless. As a teenager, Ariel developed many addictions to avoid feeling the tremendous emotional pain he was in. He stopped taking.
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