I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ... so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought. "Where!" Alice asked her teasingly."On their bottoms, Miss!" Sally whimpered."Turn over, you dirty little tart!" Alice ordered. Sally turned over, her bottom now nicely presented to her mistress."I'm sorry Miss, please don't punish me!" Sally pleaded."Lift your bottom higher," Alice whispered, roughly helping Sally to lift her bottom into the required position."You have a lovely bottom, Sally" Alice told her.Alice, caressed the child's pale, smooth and delicate skin of Sally's lovely bottom for a while, bringing shivers to her little body. "Thank you, Miss!" Sally uttered, a blush starting to appear on her sweet face."Dr Stevens, has written here in your journal, that your bottom can withstand a lot of pain," Alice teased her."No please, please don't punish my bottom, Miss!" Sally pleaded. "I am going to enjoy punishing your bottom, Sally!" Alice whispered softly and erotically in her ear, making her shiver with fear and her little toes to curl. That sly smile of Alice's had returned.
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