God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. “Not bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and made love to me right then and there.” “They don’t like that in heaven,” God said. The woman replied, “They’re not too happy about it in Costco either!”1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn’t!2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.9. I’m not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.10. Out of my mind .... "The big German shepherd heard his name spoken a second time and raised his head to survey the two females. He studied them both for a long moment, noting that his mistress' face and eyes had taken on an unfamiliar laxness, while hers of the midnight hair were quickly beginning to appear the same. He listened to the soft sounds of their voices, then changed his position so that he could rest his head on the floor and watch them. The confusion which had tensed him at first was no longer in the room, the quiet sounds of their voices beginning to gently lull him toward sleep... How or why Peggy had started talking about that side of her personal life, Carol wasn't sure, but she quickly found herself more than a little intrigued, as well as pitying the obviously passionate girl across from her. She listened intently to Peggy's intimate unburdening, as if she just had to confide the awful truth in someone." I-I have to be loved, Carol... physically... sexually loved," Peggy whispered, her.
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