Where does that leave us now?" I can't do a decent job of explaining it to myself, much less you," she said, "but I think I love you, in any sense of the word. You have jolted my emotions, made me feel, deep down, like I made the right choice. I'm right to love women, and I'm right to love you." You don't know what you're saying," I said. "Ok, you like women. I have a lot of baggage from the past, and there's a lot about me you don't know. The thought of being in love again scares me shitless." I know enough to know that I love you, and I'm willing to listen to anything you have to tell me," she said. "Are you going to let the past interfere with your future?" She added with a little giggle, "The thought of being in love scares me too, but I want it so bad I can't - I won't - let the fear stop me."I got up and refilled our cups, then resumed my seat. So many different emotions were flying through my head at once I couldn't keep track of any of them.She continued, "You were my first.. She couldn’t answer because she still did not know. ‘Let’s get something else straight. I don’t like people who look away during a conversation. You look at me.’ Reluctantly Wendy looked up. Her eyes met Burnside’s. ‘Now answer. What do you want?’ Wendy shook with fear. Her voice was barely audible. ‘Dr. Burnside, this past Spring I gambled $ 60,000 dollars. I want…I need…’ ‘Come on, Wendy, out with it. You need to say whatever it is that you want to tell me.’ ‘I need to be punished. I need to suffer. I need to pay for my stupidity…with real pain..’ ‘And so you are asking that from me…’ Wendy nodded her head. Burnside’s lips tightened. ‘Wendy, you don’t nod when I ask you a question. Now, answer it properly.’ ‘I…I want you to whip me. Like in my drawings.’ ‘Whip you? Why? What good do you think that’s going to do you?’ ‘I…I don’t know. I…just want it to stop. I want it all to stop.’ ‘What to stop, Wendy? I’m not going to try to guess what’s going on in that brain of yours. So let’s.
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