She kept looking at me, wiping tears and scanning my face as though I was a stranger that she ought to recognise but couldn't quite place. It felt like forever before her breathing had calmed enough to speak."God, I've underestimated you," she said eventually, “unbelievable,” shaking her head as if she was clearing cobwebs, trying to wake up."I guess so," I said. "What exactly did you think of me?"She sat down on one of the breakfast chairs. "I don't know." She stopped for a second, looking at the table, moving her plate to one side to stare at the picture. "I um... I kind of took you for granted, you filled up a predictable Chris shaped space in my life." She shook her head again. "Oh fuck..." What? You were going to say something." No..." Say it. I have to know." It's not fair."“It's not been fair for months, that's water under the bridge. It's what we do next that matters.” I resisted saying we’re even now. “Say it Carol. Whatever it is say it. I have to have the truth."She took a. I have to thank you. Julia Ann is a beautiful woman. While you're gone I hope that you watch lots of her movies and imagine that it's me enjoying all of those handsome studs. Please don't be offended by that. I hope that like Charles, you will eventually learn to want this life style as much as I do. Sex really is fun. It took me forty-nine years and the help of my daughters to overcome the inhibitions that were drilled into me when I was growing up. Now that I've finally been able to do that, I want to enjoy sex. Michael I don't just want to look like Julia Ann; I want to be Julia Ann or at least the movie Julia Ann. I want to be a slut. I know that's a crude word, but it doesn't have to be. My only regret is that I didn't include you at the beginning of my journey. I know why, I was still too inhibited. What really upsets me is that when I was finally able to overcome my inhibitions about sex, I still didn't include you. I should have taken you by the hand, back tracked and guided.
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