When I did, she had the strangest and oddly proud look on her face. “So much better than I had expected!” Let’s get over to a mirror!Walking over to the mirror, I can feel my breasts just jiggle and jiggle inside the bra. But, strangely, I could breathe easier, and felt my back pain ease a bit. Then I saw myself. I had a real pair of breasts! And to quote Seinfeld, they were amazing! Me! With better breasts than my daughter, or my wife! She stood there, looking at the mirror, at me, at the mirror. And said “That just won’t do. Come on” She grabbed me by the hand and we walked into the bathroom. She rummaged around in the cupboard and came out with some Nair hair removal. Now we are crossing a line! No way. No Never. “Dad, what, it will grow back? Who sees you naked now, well except me? You have gone this far, and if you don’t like it, it will grow back! Hair always does”. I had to admit, she had a point, and I kinda wanted to see just how much better my tits were than my X’s. She. Well, maybe not literally, not every day. I’d take breaks from chemo, sometimes they lined up with breaks from other things, and before you knew it I had burr of hair on my scalp. I’d pick up running – my heart was always in great shape – and notice the sunshine again. Listen to a bird. These vacations from my life never lasted long. My mom died when I was eight from the same thing I have. Genetic. I never blamed her for it. I never really knew her. Dad spent those eighteen years stuck between a rock and a hard place. He never had a little girl, he had a twisted crone. He never had to teach me to drive, but he did have to teach me to change a catheter. Instead of clothes he bought me books. And he worked long hours every day trying to keep the ends met over my medical bills. I homeschooled just to pass the time, but we could only stretch that until I was sixteen. Then, at seventeen: a miracle. Who knows what it was, but somewhere between chemo, radiation, vitamins, hormones, and one.
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