Even when I kept trying to get her out of my thoughts, I still retained this hope. Had I ever examined it, anywhere along the way, that hope would have died. The truth was that I was satisfied with just having some small amount of unexamined hope. It comforted me, and made some of my other decisions somehow more palatable to me. Now, as I prepared to relinquish that hope, I knew I would miss having something with Clara to look forward to. I liked the idea of Clara and me. The reality might be impossible, but the idea was pleasant and comforting to me.When you are sixteen, and still enough of a child that your whole universe centers around you, the concept of sacrifice doesn't come naturally to you. I felt like I understood that someone was going to have to sacrifice, and even though Kate was offering to, I didn't think her sacrifice would help any of us. I needed to sever that final strand, and then let the situation play itself out.Saturday morning I got up early, and walked over to. ”I held my smile. I guess, in this one instance, I am Daddy’s boss. In a way. I mean, it is my case.We were in San Francisco talking with O’Leary because I wanted Daddy’s take on the quiet man working in relative obscurity. Just like my friend, Sister Mary Packer had done back home.Plus, I was now refocused on the nexus between O’Leary and Dickie Axelrod. The Sullivan’s combed through Axelrod’s 1040 forms for the last five years and found no charitable deductions. Yet O’Leary had told me that Axelrod was donating $2,000 a month to the shelter.As Felicity drove us back to the airport, Daddy said, “Something’s off.”Good. Maybe some actual progress.We got out of the car and I hugged him goodbye. He said, ‘You might want to stake out the shelter. See who else shows up.”I thought the exact same thing. Just seconds after he said it. Fuck.When I was maybe 7 or 8, Bulldog Bannerman came to my parents’ home on Meyer Boulevard for dinner. The men didn’t shoo me away when they went out on the.
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