"Your landlord has run off somewhere. You're not the first one he's left high and dry in town."Feeling faint, Rachel stumbled back against her car, no longer able to contain her sobs. Her next door neighbor, Elise, put down a pair of pruning shears and walked over, having overheard the conversation. "Oh, Rachel ... I can have my son bring over his truck." I ... I don't have anywhere to g-go," Rachel sobbed."Isn't there anything you can do, Gerald?" Elise asked.The sheriff shook his head. "There's nothing I can do except give her a couple of days, Elise."More neighbors approached, all concerned for the seemingly shy young woman whom they'd come to like in the last six months since she'd moved into the neighborhood. Despite knowing this, Rachel couldn't help but feel burning shame at having her life turned upside down in such a public manner. Everyone offered suggestions and help, but there was little anyone could do about Rachel's most critical problem — lack of money to start over. She would have to think this a horrible perversion, even believing me no more than her brother.But I think of her in this light all of the time now. I am very much afraid that I shall do something stupid and irrevocable. I fear to lose her regard, but, as my mind sits, I can hardly bear to spend a day out of her company. I've become obsessed with my want for her, and I think of little else. I cannot say what will come, but I've no cause for hope. If I had any sense, I'd move a thousand miles away, but that won't happen. My ties to this place run too deep -- almost forty years -- my life has been here. I can't just up and run... And what could I say? to my Clara? to Jess? I don't know what will happen... No, nothing will happen. I can't let it... And yet... ?Oh God... How I miss my mother.An AddendumSeveral months ago, I posted an account, that I called "A Long Time Ago," of my sexual initiation with my mother, of our long-standing love, and of my current torn and guilty feelings.
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