” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I’ll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8. I combed my hair back, it was honey blonde, mid-length that framed my brown eyes and dark pink lips. I pulled on my dark jeans and then a beige undershirt and then a vintage tank over top. A few more pre-party shots later we were in a cab, headed for the house party. During the ride I thought to myself, – Ill just have to suck up and try my best to have a good time. Its not my fault Im not good with guys. Ill just have to hope Alanna doesnt ditch me. After about two hours of drinking with Alanna I found myself sitting with the stoners, my close classmates. I had lost my friend to some exchange student from France. We were sitting outside the house, it was two stories but the upstairs was a separate place and locked. The joint was being passed around and I took a couple hits. I was pleasantly drunk and high now and it was about 15 minutes later that he sat with our group. I couldnt help the stare I gave in his direction. He must have been around six-foot, dark brown hair with a.
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