She was fifteen, tall and green-eyed,with creamy skin and cherry lips. The picture had herbody turned at a slight angle to the camera, her hairbillowing down around her shoulders like the surf atWaimea, a wide genuine smile on her face, and just ahint of cleavage at the bottom of the photo. At eleven-thirty that evening I took her picture intothe bathroom and beat off for the first time in mylife. I still have that picture in a drawer in my desk,and although the corners are getting dog-eared, I stillsometimes stroke myself while studying my sister’sbutter-colored face.What’s more, she knows I find her attractive. Not longafter she gave me that picture she caught me studyingher body, and it wasn’t the first time or the lasttime. We’ve never discussed it out loud, but it’s anopen secret between us. That pouty face she used to make me stay is the sameone that she uses to do whatever she wants, from minorhousehold repairs to accompanying her to the doctor. I wondered if I would ever stand again.I was slowly filled with a conviction that she could read my thoughts. In my pain and growing exhaustion it seemed any thoughts of anger or rebellion could be sensed by her and would result in another terrible beating. My sense of identity became detached. My world focused on her and her club. That if my becoming her dog would lessen the pain started seeming a very logical choice.After several days of torture, when my behavior had gotten to a point were she was satisfied I was subdued, she led me from the punishment room on a leash. Heavily chained I crawled obediently after her. She led me to the master bedroom were I saw Lisa for the first time in what seemed an eternity. She wore a short frilly nightgown and was sitting on the edge of the bed. My neck aching I looked up and met her eyes. I saw pity.This exchange drew an immediate response from Ingrid. She swung her club and struck the back of my neck. Crying out in pain I cowered from.
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