One of them climbs the ladder and draws at the chain around my arms, while the other pushes me up upwards from behind. My bare feet step on the ladder, one rug at the time, after four I am on top. Roughly they pull me on the pyre, the dry wood cracks and bows a bit under the combined weight of me and the guards. The branches stab into my naked sole; they push my back hard to the thick stake and lose the manacles around my wrists. Instinctively I want to pull them in front of me, rub the sore skin to ease the pain, but before I can move my hands, they grab my arms and pull them behind the stake. I struggle to break free, but I am too weak. They use a thin rope to tie them behind the stake; it digs painfully into my wrists. I moan in anguish. One guard is pulling a long black iron chain around my legs, waist and chest, so tight it hurts and I have problems to breathe, I groan in misery. Another guard steps in front of me, blocks my vision, his gaze is hard. I can?t stand his look, and. “Ah - dang, I got to go, I have to get off this exit, and don’t want to crash. I’ll call you later, all right?”“Are you OK?” she asked me, a touch of sarcasm in her voice.“Sure - just need to think.”We hung up. And I had to think. Oh, boy do I have to think.And so I thought. I told my wife I was just distracted by something at work. I went out on a drive. I sat in an empty parking lot, looking up at the stars, wanting to beg God to make it not true. I didn’t dare. I knew it was all of my own making, and I didn’t deserve to be rescued from my fate.I went home and played with my daughter. My wife must have known that something was up, but she didn’t pry as I stacked up blocks and my daughter gleefully tore them down.That night as I lay in bed, my wife sleeping next to me, I was still thinking. The phrase “rock bottom” kept going through my mind.I was going to lose it all. Maybe I hadn’t loved my wife in a long time, but she was - familiar. I knew I’d have to move out, find an apartment.
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