Sadly, I knew she probably had my address as well, and because she had her BMW, she might show up unannounced at any time. That was the exact thing that Bethany, Stephanie, and others had been concerned about. I certainly wasn’t going to encourage her by calling her back. I hoped she’d call and not get an answer and give up, but I suspected that at some point, she’d either call and I’d answer, or she’d simply show up at my doorstep.As I went back to the couch, I noticed an envelope on my desk. There was a note with it that said it had been in the mailbox. I realized it was from Theo and took it to my room. I quickly checked to make sure there weren’t any instructions or requests and then put the cash into my lockbox. As I walked back to the living room I realized I hadn’t updated my journal in over a week, so I fired up my Apple II and typed in several pages worth of text.I decided that rather than read my book, I’d read some of my old journal entries. When I did that, I was. I took to recording staff meetings with the recorder on the table in front of everyone. That slowed the problems publicly.“Anyway, I stressed. I took it home to Pam by snapping at her. We had been talking about starting a family and she brought it up. I was not pleasant in telling her that I wasn’t ready for children. I realize now that I hurt her deeply and our moving away from each other started then. It wasn’t not having children but the way I treated her about it. We didn’t talk. The next thing I knew, she was heavily involved in her quilting that she had done as far back as high school. We would have used her quilting room for a baby’s room. That was part of my diatribe. She went in there to quilt and I would watch TV. She would talk with her friends and meet with them. I would watch TV and drink. I became cold and she let me shut her out.“Your divorce made her mad at me when I took Mom’s side without talking to you about it. She wanted me to talk to you and I refused. I was.
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