But to know I didn’t fulfill his was more than I could take.’ That really blew me away. ‘How does that make you feel?’ I asked. ‘Sometimes I get really angry at him. I don’t know how long he has known. But I feel like I wasted a lot of my life working on something that was doomed. Sometimes I get angry at myself. I knew I wasn’t happy. I wish I had had the guts to say something a long time ago. Sometimes I am really glad that he told me. I never would have had the guts to leave if he hadn’t, even though I wasn’t happy. And a lot of the time I am just very very sad. He and I were good friends. We still are on the days when I’m not just incredibly pissed at him. I spent more than half my life with him. I just feel so alone right now.’ ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘that sounds awful.’ ‘Thanks,’ Lynn answered, ‘its good to get to talk about it.’ By this time we were headed over the Wrightsville Beach bridge. It felt like home to me. I had grown up a few miles away in Wilmington. A minute later. I nodded and she padded out the door and down the hall.That left me in the interesting position of being in bed with Kate and Wendy. Not that we hadn’t shared the bed together before, but Lissa or Melody had always been with us. Kate slid over me to Lissa’s side and Wendy cuddled up next to me. As exhausted as we were, we couldn’t sleep and continued our whispered conversation. The contact of two other people against my body reminded me I was alive and that even when someone dies, we should celebrate living.“I didn’t think that I would ever celebrate being alive,” Wendy said. “After the last time with Rafe, I thought I’d kill myself. But you brought me home when I had no home to go to. Thank you.”Wendy kissed me. Of course, we’d had little kisses before. We hugged each other whenever we were together and no one in my family was reluctant to touch lips and even tongues with our friends. But Wendy seemed to pour her heart into the kiss this time. I don’t know why I knew this..
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