Mr. Ullman, my principal at middle school, had been promoted to principal of Bennett High School, the school I was attending. He knew my previous record of doing good deeds, so sure as heck, on Tuesday morning, the PA system once again noted that there was a hero amongst the student body – namely, me. He also managed to include my previous exploits, naming the school bus incident and saving Kelsey Barnes from certain death. I was cringing in my seat as the whole homeroom class turned around and stared at me.It took a week for things to calm down and return to something like normal. I got a lot of comments about saving people becoming a habit and maybe I should apply for the job as Superman. I laughed. I remembered that was what Chug suggested when I saved Kelsey all those years ago. I had the feeling, though, that some of the kids were just waiting to see what I would do next. Who was I going to rescue this time? Thank goodness they got tired of waiting and forgot about it.But the. Your mother drugged me, got me gangbanged so I'd get pregnant, only she didn't stick around to see the total outcome. She left before one of the guys called a buddy and the buddy showed up with five black guys." You expect me to believe that shit?" No Brian, I already told you that I knew you wouldn't believe it. And since I'm on a roll now I'll tell you a few more things about your family that you won't believe. Things that should have been said long ago, but that I couldn't say because you wouldn't have believed me then either and all it would have done would have been to make our relationship even worse than it has been."Did you know that three out of every four lingerie and adult novelty parties that your mother has are held at stag parties and bachelor parties? Did you know that your mother and all your sisters model that sexy and mostly see-thru lingerie? And yes, before you ask I did it too. I let your mother talk me into it. Here is the real shocker Brian; did you know that.
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