Although I never copied it down in my journal, I remember watching The Haunting released 1999 in our exercise room. I sat on an exercise machine that felt like a piano bench cushion in the unfinished room. I watched the actress’s entrance up until this line:“So what about you? Husband, Boyfriend, Girlfriend?”Her last word was accompanied by a mischievous smile at the camera with her brown eyes heating me up in the cold uninsulated.My crushes on women in my red journal are confusing to read. My fantasies for men were so prolific, that I was inherently suspicious of small slivers of attention towards women. I had no problem with other people being gay or bisexual, but I was strangely scared of the thought in myself. In fact, if I included all my self analysis on this subject, this would be a very long story heavily involving a personal philosophy involving Eve, the tree of knowledge, and the meaning of life. 3/28/----I haven’t written in you for awhile because I have I have a file on. The white elastic waist band of his Jockey shorts and leather belt and seeing his blue jeans come off exposing a perfect bum was too much for me to take.I was shaking and felt weak.I had to get a glass of whiskey to control myself.My voice was shaking as I told him to relax and soak in the hot water. I went back in to the bathroom after I had calmed down and asked if he needed his hair washed.He said that he would and I offered to do it.I poured shampoo onto his golden curly locks after soaking his hair in warm water.I massaged it in and let it sit for a while.After this I pulled the plug and asked him to stand up.I turned the shower on and soaped him down under his arm pits,down his ribs,between his legs around his balls and arse hole and buttocks.I was getting a hard on big time.I was still clothed.When his hair was clean of shampoo and his body glistened with fresh water,I offered up my huge bath towel and when he got out of the bath I wrapped it around him and patted and.
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