I can't seem to stop practicing - putting bigger and bigger things inside me. My conscious mind knows it's futile, that I'll never get to show Dad, but somewhere deep inside, I'm still getting ready for when he gets home!"Jen's voice rose to a frustrated wail as she ended her sentence. I held her until she calmed a little before I spoke again."Why did you think it was important to tell me this?" Another question whose answer I wasn't sure I wanted to hear.Jen looked around for some way to escape the question, and finding none, stared at her hands in her lap."It's, um, well, you see," she began, then, taking a deep breath to steel herself, she blurted out, "You remind me of him!" That's why you've been so giddy around me sometimes?" I asked, gently.She nodded quickly, not looking up, then raised her face and said, "Crazy, huh? I mean I know you're not him, and I know he's never coming back, but somehow I feel like, if I could show you, it would finally be over. I could finally get my. In themorning after we came back from walking, mom would take a bath first,then I would. She would glance the paper in the mean time and come tomy room after a while. After I came out of the bathroom, she would helpme and teach me some good methods of dressing up, grooming. She wouldhelp me put on my bra, dress and each time she would tell me I muststart dressing up myself. But I would playfully say, please mom nexttime onwards... each time I would say! I loved my mom. Then she wouldapply make up on my face, comb my hair.After about 15 days or so, one morning she said I could wear a ponytailnow! I felt elated! I washed my hair that day, wore my favorite ghagracholi and mom took me to her bedroom and made me sit in front of thedressing table. She brushed my hair, applied very little oil, againbrushed. Then she started combing it backwards and finally I could feelthe pressure all over my head of the hair being pulled. I could hardlysee it. She told me it was quite small but said there.
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