As soon as I caught my first normal breath and was able to bed down to pick up my pants without that dizzying feeling of wanting to pass out, it turned out we were under somebody’s watchful eye. ‘Shit!’ I said in a whispered scream, scrambling to slide my pants up my legs, pull them over my hips, and zip up faster than Rick pulled them off. Off in the distance was an old white-haired man jerking away as quickly as his droopy shoulders that hung off his baggy light blue golf shirt would let him. He had a googly-eyed gaze and a slack-jawed expression that looked as if he was letting out an involuntary constant stream of drool. I turned my head away from the man and hung it down so my hair would cover my face. I straightened out my T-shirt, and told Rick, ‘Don’t look. Just get dressed.’ Of course he looked and just started laughing while pulling up the zipper on his shorts leisurely and cavalierly. ‘This was your idea, dear,’ he said, with a devilish grin, pulling my face toward his. . His sister burstinto tears (again!) and ran out of the house. Deciding to make the bestof a bad job, Jake knocked up some beans on toast, and grabbed anothertwo beers (to save on trips to the fridge), before reclaiming his placein front of the box.A couple of hours of waster bliss later, Jake started to feel odd, hisstomach was playing up, and he knew right away it was down to thosedamn cheap-ass beans. Resigning himself to a night of wind, he shiftedin the seat, letting some gas escape as he did. Straight away, it feltodd, and he started, thinking maybe he was really ill, or he'd followedthrough or something, but the feeling quickly passed, even if he stillfelt gassy, and he went back to the TV. It was less than a minute laterwhen Jake felt the need to break wind again, and as he did, he felt theodd sensation return. It was like a sudden shock of pins and needlesaround his butt, which faded almost as quickly as it started.Shrugging, he went back to the TV. The third time it.
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