This was really what I so desperately desired. It helped a great deal because I sorted out some important points, almost immediately. The most important point was that of something called purging, i.e. throwing all my clothes out and saying to myself that I was wrong to be doing this and that I would never go back. But after a few months, I would feel the desire and need to dress again. So would start again, feeling so sad that I had lost so many lovely things. I found out that this was also a normal thing for crossdressers. Every time I had purged I regretted it. Some very kind and understanding girls helped me deal with it and told me that if that was my mindset that I should just put everything in a case and stick it in the loft or garage or somewhere out of site. When the desire came back I could just pick up where I left off, without having to go back out and buy a load of new stuff.They also made me realise that this was a part of me that was never going to go away so I should. I’m glad you’ve decided to attend St. Andrew’s.’ I hadn’t, but I didn’t exactly think I should mention that. ‘Come have lunch with us,’ Ed suggested. ‘I’m sure Maddy has lots of stories she could tell you.’ Maddy opened her mouth, undoubtedly to launch into one of said stories, but Nate’s smooth baritone interrupted her. ‘Actually, she’s having lunch with me.’ Lucy and Ed shared a look. ‘I guess we’ll see you next week then,’ Lucy said with a bright laugh. She looked around the thinning crowd. ‘We should find the boys and go.’ ‘Bye!’ Maddy chirruped. She waved with such enthusiasm that even if I didn’t have the draw of seeing Nate to entice me to St. Andrew’s each week, seeing Maddy’s happy smile was more than enough to bring me back. Nate glanced down at his vestments. ‘I should change, but you’re welcome to let yourself into the house to wait. It’s not locked.’ He hadn’t asked me if I actually wanted to stay for lunch, but he didn’t have to. We both knew there was no way I’d say.
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