“I have a girlfriend. She's called Scarlett... I love her, I think. I mean, she's really hot. She's an 18-year-old online stripper you see... bit of a nightmare though, she's really c***dish.”“What do you expect from an 18-year-old?” I laughed. “How old are you?”“32. I was born on Christmas Day 1982. I am the Brown Jesus!”“I was born in July 1983 so you're six months older than me.”“Wow. You have really nice tits you know. How come they're not all saggy like my mum's tits?”“Maybe because I haven't had k**s yet?! Dickhead!”Initially he told me he was from Kabul but that turned out to be a joke. In reality he was born in Leicester making him twice as English as me.Two weeks later and he was staying at my flat, he was still with Scarlett (just about) and we hadn't fucked although we had kissed a lot. I was getting impatient. “How about I give you a back massage?” I said.“I've got some coconut oil in the kitchen, I could melt it so it's body temperature and then rub it in to your poor. They both looked around realising Helena was laughing at them.“No Zac, we need the carpet removed, then cleaners to come in and do a deep clean. Hire some painters to repaint then get some new carpet installed. We are going to leave it to you to arrange the removal of the carpet and deep clean. You should have contacts for those as a real estate agent. We can go shopping tomorrow for carpet and some furniture. Do you have any good painters on your books that are reliable and good quality workers?” Ask Helena.“Yes I can do that for you. I’ll see if I can get them here tomorrow for carpet removal and deep clean. I have a family couple that do handiwork for me and they would love to assist me. I did them a favour a while back and they are still trying to repay. And yes I do know some good painters, you just have to tell them what colours you want?Suzanne handed over her key to Zac saying use this key to get the contractors in. We will pay you and you pay them. Helen handed over an.
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