. couldn't givehim up. And if I ever tell him the truth, could I lose him again? Icouldn't risk that. Even if I lose Dan-the-girl, at least I would haveDan-the-guy. So I won't tell him the truth. The whole truth, at least."Danny," I said to him. "It wouldn't matter to me whether you're a guyor a girl. I would love you no matter what." I kissed him and huggedhim close. I don't want to hurt him. Please let him believe that.He put his hands on the back of my head, moving them restlessly throughmy hair as he kissed me. I was about to faint. Oh, God, don't let thisend.After what felt like a long time, I pulled back. I shook myself inhappiness. Danny was smiling a merry smile."So," I said. "What do you want to do tonight? The girls will bedisappointed, but that's okay. How do you want us to handle this?" Ithought a bit and I giggled."What's so funny?" The girls have big plans for tonight." I reached over and touched hischeek. "But don't worry, you don't need to do anything you. I learnt about the outside world or others through books borrowed from libraries. I am still an avid reader. I was and am still an outsider. I never met any of my other relatives until recently. There was of course a deep family secret which remains hidden. I suspect I have a half brother alive somewhere, maybe in Queensland where my parents were born. There were two other women in my life. The first I met at work, fell madly in love with her. She seem to like me, was friendly on and off. But I could never get close to her for some reason. I discovered only recently she had been a frightened and then undecided lesbian. I still think about her and love her.The other woman who greatly influenced my life and who still does affect my life, I met about 20 years ago at a B&D establishment. She was sitting on a lounge crying her heart out. She was the widow of a surgeon who I worked for during a holiday relief job in Queensland. She had been in desperate straights after marital problems.
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