" Katrina! I don't want to fuck Brendan. You want to fuck Russell?"She nodded. "A lot. But only if you're cool with it."I thought about it, and then I knew I still loved him. He was an asshole for fucking Molly, and I was super pissed at him, but he was still my asshole."Sorry. I'm not cool with it," I said.Katrina looked crestfallen, like a kid who just dropped her lollipop down the sewer."Oh. That's okay, I get it. You need more time."She smiled, but I could tell she was pouting, and wishing she hadn't asked me. Anyway, we finished packing and shared a cab to the train station with Brendan and Chrissy.When we got on the train, I had to sit in the same car as Russell and Molly. Russell sat in the front in a row by himself. He looked pretty sad, with this stricken look on his face, and tired like he hadn't been sleeping. Every so often, he peeked back at me and then looked away. It was cute, but he was still an asshole.I sat in a row with Katrina and Brendan. Katrina was right—Brendan. I still have my sense of humor, but I don't need to be the center of events. One glass of wine is enough for dinner, no nightcaps need apply. I'm content to enjoy life as it comes. I date occasionally, but I'm not looking for one night stands anymore. When I meet a woman, she has to meet a much different set of standards.I glossed over my description of awakening on the setback that morning. I was in a daze. It took me quite some time to realize that I was alive. It was the pain that finally broke through my stupor. My mind split in two for a while. One small part was rational and knew I had to get out of the building before the workers and staff arrived. That was the part that made the phone call and remembered to ask for clothes. That was the part that knew my survival must be kept secret.The bulk of my mind was that of a two year old child. It was enchanted to see the dawn with its pinks and yellows, the sky's shift from navy to brilliant azure. The flowering trees were a delight..
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