All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires...Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’ ‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’ ‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’ ‘Yep!’ ‘Do I know her?’ ‘Nope!’ ‘This woman, is she good looking?’ ‘Not really.’ ‘Is she a good cook?’ ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ ‘Does she have lots of money?’ ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’ ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’ ‘Because she can still drive!’Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer... ‘A man. “Alright Riley, take a seat with your hands behind your back in those holes there.”I slowly approached the chair of doom and sat down, the leather was cold on my bare skin. I placed my hands behind me into the holes as I was told and Doctor Smith began to put a leather restraint around my stomach, she pulled tightly on the straps and my arms were snugly held in place behind me.“Can you move.”I wriggled, testing the give before shaking my head. “No mistress.”“Good, lift up your legs now.” With a few taps of her tablet the stirrups closed in and lifted up for me to place my legs into, and one after the other Doctor Smith strapped me in to them, above my knees and round my ankles.“What about your legs? can you move them?” Again I shook my head, as I did she tapped the tablet again and with a beep and a mechanical whirring my legs were spread wide. “Good girl, very good. So, do you like your new body Riley? its truly some of my best work, the fruit of years of trial and error.”“Yes.
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