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”“Candy, Candy Row.” I said clearly.“Candy Row, what kind of…”“As in Randy Cow.” His brother Jim quickly worked out. “It’s a`spoonerism’, you swap the first letter of each word. Candy Row, RandyCow.”“OK. So Candy Row, our little Randy Cow, it is. Rule five. You will alwaysrefer to yourself in the third person. So rather than saying `Please MasterJim, please may I suck your dick?’ you will say `Please Master Jim, mayCandy suck you big dick?’ You got that?”“Yes, I under…”“THEN DO IT!” he screamed at me, causing me to involuntarily shudder as Ibacked away from his fury.“Sorry Master Sam, Candy is sorry. Candy agrees to and understandseverything you have told me… I mean her.” I hastily replied.Sam let out a long breath as some of the anger drained from his tenseface. “That’s better. This is only going to be as hard as you make it. Me?Personally, I hope you fight and struggle every step of the way. That way Iget to savor every little nuance of your shame and suffering.”His words chilled me. ” the voice continued. “So now that you are dead you should be sorted into either heaven or hell. The bad news is you are not going to heaven…”“You said ‘should’ right? I’m not really going to hell am I?” Alan questioned timidly to the voice that had his future in his hands.“Seems you caught me there, yes to put it simply god has an alternative place for people like you. You can in some way call it the purgatory.” The voice answered.“But I have not done anything wrong in my life… I mean some lies and maybe I could have gone to church more but still, I have not done anything that bad. And I have tried to help people and does helping grandmas crossing streets not count?” Alan rambled on fear seeping in slowly.“It’s not about right or wrong for you...actually it is because you never succumbed and indulged in the pleasures of the flesh. I think the almighty took pity on you guys.” The voice replied with a smirk Alan could actually hear even unseen.“ok…..so being a virgin lands you in.
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