I'm okay." She smiled and Mom was moving slowly, putting her stuff away, back into her big ugly purse."You're calling a lawyer on Monday," I said softly to my dad. "Right?"Mom sat back on the bed, smiling happily at us and right then she probably didn't even know who we were. She kept nodding her head and rubbing her arms, just rubbing her skin like she couldn't stop, and it was so weird seeing her like that. My mom, who'd been like supermom before, was Tushy now and floating away on heroin in the crappiest place imaginable, like she'd never had or wanted anything else."Yeah," he agreed, glancing down at me and I knew Gina was finally dead.I gave her a couple minutes, but I was going to fuck her. I didn't care what Dad thought, or what he might say, this woman was fucked up. I'd never wanted to have sex with another girl in my life, but this wasn't even gonna be sex. I just wanted to humiliate her as much as I could and maybe that's just me being mean, but I didn't care. This woman. Playing the host, I made myself busy offering her a place to sit and a drink. At the same time I tried to chase the image of her begging Kaitlyn to make her come from my mind. I was shocked when she mentioned, in a small voice, her last visit to my apartment.Until that moment, I had not realized that she could remember what had happened while she was under my control. It had never dawned on me that I had left my "victims'" memories intact, recording the details of their actions.Other details crystallized. I had briefly wondered if Francine had been avoiding me at work but I had been too busy to pay attention. Kaitlyn had left noisily earlier that week. Was this backlash from the lowered inhibitions? When Lucy spoke frankly about her embarrassment, I realized that I was holding my breath. Seeing her, so vulnerable and open, I felt close to her. I admitted to having been consumed by work the last week but apologized for not calling or taking the time to talk with her. I confessed that.
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