“Sarah, Guy, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you looking out for me and using Nick’s wedding present to make sure that I was okay when you probably could have asked for a car or a house or something. Green Mountainside, Montana sounds absolutely beautiful and pristine and bucolic - all things I had back in Mather County and ran away from just as soon as I could.”That got a laugh from the whole audience and even a smile from Sarah and Guy as Prudence added, “I definitely want to come visit you guys some time and see what I’m missing, but I love living in a big, exciting city and I’d like to keep doing that for a while yet. I won’t be moving to Green Mountainside - not yet anyway.”As Sarah gave a gesture of acquiescence, Prudence turned to her bosses. “Rosie, Violet, if instead of a deeply religious couple who believed it was their job to make as many children as they could for Jesus, I’d been raised by a couple of foul-mouthed lesbian ex-strippers, I hope they would be just. She worked as a teacher at the local primary school. “How many times?”“Christ. Is nothing sacred around here?” They stared at me and shook their heads in unison. “Fine. Four times.”“Four!” Claire pretended to faint and wiped her brow with the edge of the throwover. “And you didn’t answer Bec’s question. Was it earth-shattering? Do bad boys do it better?”I hid my face again, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation and their questioning. “It was unbelievable. Like unbelievable.”“How fit is he on the Tom Hardy scale?” Bec curled up in the armchair and wrapped a fleece blanket around her shoulder.The Tom Hardy scale was the rating system we had developed after three years as singletons in London. Zero being our landlord Richard, five for Leonardo DiCaprio’s level of hot, and ten for Tom Hardy.“He’s off the scale.”“Girl! No chance. Better looking than Tom Hardy?” Bec arched an eyebrow and looked at me as though I had just pissed on her favourite dress. “Fuck off. You’re lying.”I.
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