‘I should have had it with me this morning. I want to mark your place so I can’t get lost again.’ Then at the gate I stopped for her to fix its location too. I helped her carry the groceries in and helped her stow them away. Her refrigerator was tiny. She had to get inventive to stow it all in there. We also loaded her equipment into my truck. She got out two mostly cool beers and asked. ‘Will you set and talk a moment?’ I sat and asked. ‘Is this where you will tell me there’s no hope and I should find another?’ ‘Well… You make me sound so mean. But that’s what I was going to try to tell you.’ ‘Ok, I saved you from that headache.’ ‘Oh shit. You get me so flustered. … Okay, a little truth, you deserve that much anyway. I am attracted to you. But I have a job to do, and I’ll use you to do it. It’s important to me. Don’t expect me to change my mind. I’ll have to pay you for the electric and gas I’ll use while I’m there. I’ll probably have to sleep some during the day, when I set up my. Things that were very hard to hear. Things that stung. Why did you leave him if you were going to continue to live as if he is still hurting you every day? You can't control what he did, but you can control how you let it affect you.I retorted by screaming that I hated the ones who hurt me. If felt good to say it out loud, but Jake was not happy. He told me he wouldn't date me with hate in my heart because I would never be free to build a future with him. If you can find a way to free yourself, meet me here at 9:00 pm on the fourth of July. If not, I wish you well, Kimberly. Those were the last words he spoke to me before walking away, maybe walking out of my life for good.~~~I spend the next two days doing something I haven't done over the last year - looking at myself instead of others. I mean really looking at myself. It's hard, you know ... to make that leap ... accepting you are responsible for your life and your choices. It's easier to just wallow in the pain and blame others..
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