I certainly don’t feel like I’m in a position to give anyone advice about her. What I thought to know about her has just turned out to be a big illusion. Ah, this damn self-pitying again. I hate myself for this, but I seem to revert to it again and again. It is self-destructive, but the role as a victim is oh so tempting and comfortable. No sense in pursuing this now, I already know that the full impact of what I’m seeing will hit me bad enough later. That it will lead to questions about my manhood, my sexual abilities, how shitty my life has turned out in general. But not now, right now I’m just staring at them and fight to keep my feelings at bay.Mercer could really lose a few kilos. The flabby mass around his hips wobbles like jelly while he pounds into Laura’s lithe figure. This guy is no porn star material, still she has chosen him above me. This is quite a blow for my ego. All these hours at the gym, all these songs I’ve written for her, all the love I’ve shown her don’t seem to. Once the grain had been gathered, I sent Gort and his team in with the scythes to cut down the wheat stalks so we could haul that back as well; to be used in our barn either as bedding or as fodder for our animals. There was even a good chance that some of it would be woven into baskets. I saw a couple of the women trying it out while I walked about checking on everyone, after I’d had my bath in the stream and a roll in the bearskin with one of my women.I made the decision that I needed to go back to the compound to check it out. We were now into September. If I didn’t head out soon, there would be no going at all. By that point it had been almost two weeks since I’d stumbled on the survey group and we’d run into no other party from Quantum. If they’d sent more people through the Gateway and back to the here and now, they weren’t on this side of the mountain. It left only one other place to check out.Clara wasn’t happy about the idea of me taking off without Gabby and her tagging.
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