She rested her hand back on the table and I impulsively reached out, clasped it and enfolded it between my hands. I caressed her knuckles with my thumbs, my finger ends in her palm, and she responded with a little squeeze. ‘It’s been a long time,’ she said softly, placing her other hand on mine. I nodded and gulped, looking down at our entwined hands. ‘Yes, it has . . . a very long time.’ I looked into her brown eyes and the years disappeared. Here was My Gaynor. ‘I really am so sorry. I was such . . .’ ‘No, Richard, don’t,’ she interrupted. ‘No sorries, no apologies, no recriminations. It happened, it’s gone, nothing can change it. Nothing, not now, not ever.’ ‘Yes, I know we can’t turn back the clock but I must tell you how much I regret what happened, what a foolish pig-headed sod I was. I am so very, very sorry for hurting you the way I did.’ ‘Richard, no . . . stop it. We’ve covered that ground. I don’t want to dwell on it. Maybe we wasted our lives, I don’t know. Who knows what. I pretended I was just messing about, pretended I just did it for a laugh. But my mate, he just lay there and he smiled and he said, “Mmm. That was nice.”And he went and licked his lips and like, he wasn’t joking. He reached out and took hold of my hand and pulled me down on top of him and he kissed me on the lips. What the fuck was going on? I brought my lips from his and I just sat on the edge of the sofa. My mate propped himself up on his elbow and smiled.He said, “That was proper nice.”Yeah, it was. But I didn’t know what to say.Then my mate said, “Just coz we’re lads it doesn’t mean to say we can’t have a kiss and a cuddle.”“No.”Then Dermot laughed. I said, “What’s so funny?”He shrugged his shoulders.“Dunno. You.”“Cheers.”“No, in a nice way. I like you.”“Yeah. I like you. We’re mates.”“You’re a nice kisser.”“Shut up.”“Only saying.”“Yeah, well. So are you.”He smiled then he pointed to my boned up boxers.“What’s this?”“Yeah well. It’s late, innit? I always get boned up at.
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