It might send her the wrong message, by telling her she could get whatever she asked for. I didn't care, because I wasn't just doing it to try to further our relationship. We had no relationship now anyway. There was no reason she should feel any need to make changes for me right now. If I went ahead and did this, perhaps it would provide her with a reason to consider making some changes.I had made four trips to Grace and Jane's room, carrying packages, while I tried talking myself into adopting this new position. I was tired of resisting all the time, tired of fighting with people I loved, people I needed to love me. I had to find other, less destructive ways, to keep people from forcing me to do what I didn't want to. If I could learn to give in on things I already wanted to do, then, maybe, I could learn how to give in on the other ones too, the ones where the cost of not giving in would be too high for me to pay it. If I was going to start giving in, then pleasing Mama by giving. And though her body was appealing enough, she had neither her elder daughter's lower body nor her younger's breasts. Still, there was something about her. Perhaps it was her unique facial expression, for all that it defied conventional standards of beauty. The perpetual sneer had turned me off at first, but I'd rather quickly come to think it incredibly cute. It suggested a certain playfulness, as well as intelligence. Like reality itself was a great big joke that no one but her was in on. Talking to her, seeing her biting wit and cool confidence in action, only further reinforced that impression. Or maybe it was just the sheer power she contained within her. The last time I'd seen her, I'd been too weak to properly appreciate that. But now, just standing close to her, I felt like I stood before a roaring fire in the dead of winter, or beneath a cool breeze on a blistering summer day. Neither quite fit. What I felt was not, strictly speaking, a physical sensation. But her Libido was.
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